I hate comparing myself to other people for I am just very ordinary. And all the time, I see that everyone is superior than me and that I’m inferior. Most of all, I always have high regards for them. And I want them to succeed. I am always happy if somebody will progress and have a good life.

But I’m just wondering why other people don’t want others to succeed? Seems they don’t want to be surpassed for what they’re having now.  I encountered lots of people already with this kind of attitude. Feeling superior in everything.

Like during my first job after my graduation in college. Maybe they were wondering why it’s easy for me to find a job, like it’s less than a month after graduating, I already found one. Or perhaps, they were thinking that I’m not intelligent like them and yet I got a job quickly. Anyway, there’s someone who asked me, “So you are working as a call center agent? U know how to speak English with good grammar and pronunciation?” I felt insulted but I just smiled. I don’t want to argue since I don’t want to hurt that person even if the words spoken were painful.

Another experience: I was still a student. No capacity of buying books that I want. So whatever free books I like I will see to it that I can read it even just a bit. Now, I had psychology major classmates in one of my minor subjects and they’re mentioning about the science of handwriting. And I wanted to know the meaning of handwriting for I love psychology and I was a frustrated psychology student. So there’s one person who owned a book. When I visited her place, I was just curious. So I touch it without asking permission. And she got angry. She didn’t give me a permission to read it. Why? I wouldn’t ask for it, I wouldn’t get, I just wanted to read it! So I said to myself, once I’d be having a job, I’d really look for a book similar to that and I’d share it to my siblings or to whoever who wants to read it. And finally I had it. And I did share it.

Well, I have lots of experiences of being down graded. They think, I’m damn, ugly, dark skinned, flat nose, no skills or whatever and other bad words. Hmmm, I’m used to it already. It’s kinda painful but that’s life. Every person is different. And I embrace their indifference to me. Nothing I can do about it. It’s the way they are.

[Mabelle's Hopefaithnlove]